What would they have wanted?
Arranging a funeral is often the very first practical task a family faces after a death, sometimes within days, and it usually has to be done while everyone involved is exhausted, upset and not thinking clearly. If no one knows what the person who died actually wanted, that task gets a great deal harder.
How often does this happen?
According to SunLife's Cost of Dying Report 2026, one of the largest and longest-running studies of funeral costs in the UK, the gaps in knowledge are striking. 53% of people don't know whether their loved one wanted to be buried or cremated. 18% say they don't know any of the person's funeral wishes at all. Fewer than 1% of people know all of their loved one's wishes in full.
Without guidance, families are left to guess, often under time pressure, and often erring on the side of a bigger, more expensive send-off than the person might actually have wanted, out of guilt or a wish to do right by them.
The cost of not knowing
The same report puts the national average cost of a simple, attended funeral at £3,828, and a traditional attended funeral at £4,510. A direct cremation or burial, with no service attached, averages £1,628. Add flowers, a wake, a headstone and other extras, and the average total rises to £5,140. Costs vary a great deal by region too: from £3,105 in Northern Ireland to £4,897 in London, a difference of around 58%.
For some families, this becomes a genuine financial strain. SunLife found that 15% of families experience notable financial difficulty paying for a funeral, needing to find an average of £2,365 in extra funding from somewhere. Of those who struggle, 18% say it affected their standard of living afterwards, 7% cut back on essentials like food, and 5% found it hard to cover essential bills or rent. The knock-on effects go further than money: of those facing financial difficulty, 70% reported an impact on their mental health, and 58% on their physical health.
Knowing in advance what someone actually wanted, and roughly what they were willing to spend, removes a great deal of this pressure. It also tends to prevent a particular kind of family conflict: disagreements between siblings or relatives about what would have been "right," which can be some of the most painful arguments to have at an already difficult time.
What's worth deciding in advance
A funeral wishes note doesn't need to be a legal document, and it isn't one, it's simply a clear record for whoever is left to arrange things. Useful things to set down include:
- Burial or cremation (including direct cremation, a simpler and less expensive option that has grown in popularity, now accounting for around 21% of funerals according to the 2026 report, up from 20% the year before)
- Religious, non-religious or personal preferences for the service itself
- A rough budget or spending guidance, so the family isn't left guessing what "the right amount" would have been
- Who to invite, particularly if there are estranged relationships or people who should, or shouldn't, be contacted
- Music, readings, flowers or charitable donations, if there's anything specific in mind
- Whether a pre-paid funeral plan is wanted. These can be a sensible way to fix costs in advance, but they are financial products regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority, so it's worth checking that any provider is FCA-authorised before paying into one.
None of this has to be decided all at once, and it doesn't need to be morbid or difficult. Many people find it's a fairly short, practical conversation once they sit down to have it, and a considerable relief to their family once it's written down.
Why this matters
A funeral happens quickly, and there usually isn't time to deliberate for weeks. Recording your wishes, even briefly, replaces guesswork with a clear answer for the people who will have to arrange it while they are grieving.
This is exactly the kind of difficulty An Ordered Life was set up to help prevent, families having to guess, at the worst possible time, at decisions that could have been settled calmly in advance.
This article is general guidance, not financial advice. If you're considering a pre-paid funeral plan, check the provider is authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority before committing any money.
References
SunLife, Cost of Dying Report 2026
Financial Conduct Authority, Funeral plans: check your provider is authorised
Financial Conduct Authority, Regulating the funeral plans sector
